30DTC: Day ???? : Depleted Uranium Is a War Criiiiime
Time to catch up. Expect a TL;DR, except without a summary, because fuck you for wanting a short version. If you wanted a short version, you could go back to your boyfriend already! :D
Day 17 - Your highs and lows of this past year.
Last year (and a few years before it) were nothing but lows! It was all one big depression-fest in which I came out to my parents about my different sexuality (2009), got kicked out of my dad’s house for loving a transwoman (2009), had my heart broken by people who played on my emotions (two people, 2009, 2010), was fooled into thinking I was going to be a father (2010), dropped out of the Air Force just before joining (2010), lost my grueling mailroom assistant job (2011), got high all the time (2011), realized I was totally incompatible with someone I thought I loved (2011), dropped out of school (2011), realized I was working for a functionally retarded company that didn’t understand the web (2011), had to deal with being around an obnoxious country music singer all the time, who blew said company’s money (2011), lost my car (2011), had to move back home due to having no car (2011), lost my job and have yet to even receive an ENTIRE MONTH’S WAGES because the stupid boss kept putting off my payment (2011), lived paycheck-to-paycheck on unemployment (2011), dealt with a screaming, constantly crying baby brother, and a mother that was frazzled and upset all the time (2011), basically have been ostracized from half of my family (2011), fell in love with people that couldn’t possibly love me back, ever. (2011), and I worked at Hollister, which wasn’t that bad, actually.
I also managed to:
- Get fucked over on some of my web clients for my under-the-table design job.
- Grow apart from people I once considered close friends.
- Starve every time I was at work and suddenly ran out of money because my bills felt like beating the shit out of my wallet.
I’m happy to report that I’ve “Gotten Over It”. Yep, all of that stuff. I’m okay now. :) Things have dramatically turned around, and I know have very few problems to deal with.
Let’s sum up the good things that happened:
- I loved more passionately than I thought I ever could.
- I realized that I’m not meant to be alone, I’m not fat, and I’m not ugly.
- I’ve had enough creative ideas to fill a hundred novels and create dozens of games and projects.
- I am unafraid to be myself.
- I’ve overcome my vices and addictions, without professional help.
- I reconnected with my father.
- I saw glimpses of what I will be capable of in the future. I will find a way to change the world for the better.
- I found time to see some of my closest friends every single week, even when I had no money or transportation.
- I how have the confidence level the size of a planet. Not Jupiter, but hey, even Mercury’s pretty big in comparison to the size of my body.
- My worldview matured.
Day 18 - Your beliefs.
I use the term “Universalist Unitarian” very loosely. I think the dogmatic approach of “nonbelievers suffer forever in a lake of fire” is a stupid belief that no loving god-figure would be capable of. I don’t know the nature of my reality, and I’m convinced that there may in fact be no universal truth to be found at all. It’s a sobering viewpoint at first, until you realize that we can define our own meaning in this reality devoid of meaning.
I’ve been interested in Astral Travel and exploring different levels of the human consciousness. I actively test hypnosis files and methods on myself. Some of them may have fractured my psyche in the process, but I have to know what’s in this head of mine. What is consciousness? How do I know that my reality is even real?
I have only a few basic tenets that I live by:
- Don’t be a dick.
- Question everything.
- Never stop thinking.
- Be a decent human being. Not because you should, but because you want to be.
- Follow your moral compass, always.
- Try not to buy into too much bullshit.
- Love with your entire heart.
Day 19 - Disrespecting your parents.
I try not to disrespect them. Shit, nobody’s perfect. I do my best not to fly off the handle at anybody though.
Day 20 - How important you think education is.
Education is only as important as you can make it. I have every intention of using mine to the best of my ability, when I can get back into school.
