Something that makes me sad when I think about it.
Did it have to be one specific thing? No?
1. My relationship with my Dad, or lack thereof. It’s this weird shadow of what you’d call a relationship that just kind of clings on to me. It’s my responsibility for this relationship becoming the horrible state that it is, but then again, it’s his fault for quite a few of the things he’s done in the past. I will never impress him, I will never make him genuinely proud. I am a failure in his eyes, and nothing will change that. Ever. He insists that I spend time with him, but I always feel embarrassed around him. The last time I lived there, I had a resulting breakdown that was just god-awful. The man fucks with people.
2. The fact that I can’t commit well to anything. Sports, girls, even projects. I often either mess up something great, or just fail entirely at it. I’m like one of those people who are supposed to grow up and live with their mother for all eternity or something. Achievement and trying? What the fuck is that shit?
3. My mom does nothing but bitch about every little thing. Granted, a lot of things in her life upset her and are immensely frustrating. But she’s a walking nuclear reactor of negative energy sometimes.
4. I seem to mostly attract people that fucking hate themselves. How does one get out of the act of attracting nothing but negative people? Either they think they’re too fat, or not attractive enough, or they won’t even accept compliments from a guy. Seriously? Are all people like this, or am I just stumbling into these types of people over and over again?
5. This one girl. Loads of things about her piss me off. “Ohh, I wish I hadd a good mann, waaaah.” But when I offered myself up some time ago a couple times, it just became one big awkward scene. It’s not a good feeling to be told that you don’t think it would work, yet you continue to whine about how lonely you are. Double standards make grown men feel like shit, mmkay? Oh, and stop hitting on my friend’s boyfriend.