In some ways, I have these really fucked up interpersonal problems. I feel like I’m different people at different times depending on my mood and the present company. My mannerisms can become unintentionally exaggerated to a point of unfamiliarity, and I can adopt new mannerisms entirely. People sometimes misunderstand this and think that I’m being fake in some way.
Sometimes, I feel like I temporarily have an entirely new personality that is very awkwardly trying to act like my regular self. Someone will scrutinize, and I’ll end up feeling like a lizard person trying very hard to pretend that it is a human being and that everything is just fine.
To me, it feels like having multiple personalities, except that I’m conscious and in control and all of them use my name. It’s like the phrase “rose tinted glasses”, in the sense that the undercurrent of my emotions can entirely reshape how I look at and feel about any given subject.
I have a very high level of empathy, to the point of emulating the feelings of people around me. My definition of self blurs lines heavily between me and other people; sometimes the lines run together so closely that I could swear I’m either someone else, or just their imaginary friend. Sometimes I feel that the self is a patchwork made up of things other people expose an individual to.
I struggle a lot with self-hatred and suicidal thoughts. I’ve never acted on harming, but I’ve felt bad enough plenty of times that I just wanted to die. I spend long periods in a deep depression, and I rarely express any of these feelings to anybody. The worst part is that these feelings aren’t always consistent; sometimes it feels like nothing is wrong at all, and that I’d be stupid to ever seek help.
I just don’t know what to do about any of this shit. I feel like I’m going to just sort of be in a constant state of fucked up forever.
I worry that these issues will prevent me from ever having an intimate and meaningful relationship with anybody. I can be a person’s best friend, but I worry that my fucked-upness will only send lovers packing.
the thing about “destroy all bronies” is you choose to be a brony
you’re not born a fucking brony
you choose to be associated with rape apologists, misogynists, racists, ableists, and homophobic dickhats
so if you label yourself as a brony i’m going to assume you’re a piece of shit, just like literally every other brony
like mlp? fine. call yourself a fan
if you call yourself a brony i’m 100% sure you’re a fucking trash wizard
Just because you choose to identity as a type of fan of something using a specific label doesn’t mean that you carry across all of the traits of that group of people with you. That is literally what sexists do when they talk about feminists, by assuming that one abstract representation of a person you may not have met represents the entirety of everyone involved in that spectrum.
You can be a brony and not be a raging sexist dick, just like you can be a juggalo and not be a terrible person. Maybe the concept is too big for the narrative of your black-and-white worldview, but people are simply not always the 2-dimensional characters that they are presented as.